Do any of the following sound familiar?
You’ve been fortunate enough to build a career that has been both successful and fulfilling. Over the years, you’ve built a solid reputation at work, and your leadership is respected. You’ve enjoyed the financial rewards, and you’ve been able to make meaningful headway toward funding your eventual retirement.
But…
Your kids are active and involved at school, in extracurriculars, and socially. Handling the logistics of getting them to school, to dance lessons and soccer practice is… a lot. They’re doing great, but the schedule juggling you and your spouse have to do gets pretty crazy sometimes.
And…
Since Mom passed, Dad has really been on a downward trend. They were living together in a retirement home, and though Dad is still there and his basic needs are being met, he seems to require more and more personal tending. You want to be there for him, but with everything else that’s going on in your life, it’s… a lot.
The Sandwich Generation
If some or all of the above seems a little too close for comfort, you can at least take comfort in knowing that you’re in the same situation as a lot of people. As members of the “sandwich generation,” you’re in the position of assuming responsibility for the care of older parents while still supporting children and pursuing a career. Currently, about 47% of people in their 40s and 50s have a parent 65 or older and also still have children at home (or in college) or are helping to support an adult child. In fact, in recent years, the latter demographic—adult children—have become a larger part of the burden, as nearly of third of those aged 25–34 are living with their parents. It’s little wonder that many who are caught in this intergenerational squeeze are dealing with caregiver burnout, poor self-care, financial stress, depression, and other consequences of needing to be “on” for everyone but themselves.
Coping Strategies
How can you prioritize your own financial well-being? After all, the best financial benefit you can provide for your children and your parents is to make sure you will never be a burden. In other words, if you don’t take care of yourself financially, you won’t be able to help anyone else.
With that in mind, here are some questions to keep in mind:
- Do you have the right kind of health and life insurance?
- Should you consider long-term care insurance, either for yourself or your aging parents?
- Are you putting enough away in your various retirement accounts?
- Can you take advantage of a health savings account (HSA)?
- Is it time to take a careful look at your spending and saving?
You also need to consider how to care for your own emotional health. After all, caregiver stress is a real thing. According to the Mayo Clinic, about a third of the adults in the US is either a formal or informal caregiver. Especially for those who are also maintaining a career at the same time, the strain can become overpowering. To keep that from happening, the Mayo Clinic recommends:
- Asking for help. Sometimes, admitting that you can’t be either the “Parent of the Year” or the “Perfect Child” is the hardest part. But letting others know that you need help, and providing specifics about the kind of help you need can provide all-important respite.
- Focus on what is within your ability. Tell yourself that you’re doing the best you can; repeat the message until you believe it.
- Set reasonable goals. Break down tasks or scheduling logistics into smaller steps that can be handled individually. Build as regular a daily routine as you can manage. Learn to say “no” when you need to.
- If your spouse is involved in the various duties, make sure you save some time to communicate and be together just for yourselves. Seek relationships with others who are in a similar situation—giving and receiving support from those who are “in the trenches” with you can make a world of difference.
- Take care of yourself. Give yourself time for adequate sleep, appropriate exercise, and good nutrition. Enjoy an occasional unhurried meal. Maintain a regular schedule of checkups with your healthcare professionals, and talk to them if you feel something isn’t right.
If you’re feeling stressed at work because of caregiving duties at home, here are some ways to create a better balance:
- You’re a leader in your workplace, and part of leadership is making space for others to assume greater responsibilities. Use this as an opportunity to train a younger colleague to cover certain tasks; this can free up mental space and time for the other parts of your life.
- Build your village. Get the right people on your team, with the right skills to fill in the gaps you need filled. Then empower them to take charge as appropriate.
- Employ your skills at home. The same abilities that have made you successful at work can help you manage better on the home front. If you use a whiteboard at work to visualize and prioritize, get one for your home office, too. If you use planning and task-sharing apps at the office, why wouldn’t they also save time at home?
- Increments can lead to major changes. Start by arranging one early departure from work per week; set it for a strategic day—perhaps to coincide with a child’s music lesson or a weekly drop-in at Dad’s retirement home. Over time, these small pockets of time can lead to a feeling of greater flexibility and more options.
What other tricks and techniques do you use to keep competing needs from overwhelming you? Could delegating more of your financial strategy to a trusted, fiduciary advisor free up mental and emotional resources for a family member who needs your attention? At Curio, we want to know where you’re feeling pressure; that can enable us to help you find the solutions that are right for you. To learn more, visit our website to read our article, “Stuck in the Middle with You”: Strategies for the “Sandwich Generation.”
